The disconnect

How do you know?
And, where do you find it?

This shit is real.

As much as nursing school is kicking my ass, the experiences I've had in clinical makes it totally worth all the brutal ass kicking I'm getting.
I finally was able to give my first injection this week! It's all I've been wanting to do. I gave a tetanus shot in the ER. I had a 12 hour shift there on Wednesday and it was incredible. I really loved it. I had a patient who had cyanosis around her mouth, her hands, legs, and toes. I also had a patient with a history of kidney failure and AIDS who was jumping from one emergency room to the next to get some pain meds. It was really sad to see a person with this type of drug-seeking behavior. I also had to opportunity to irrigate a catheter with saline solution on a man that had some serious clotting going on in his bladder. I had a few patients with congestive heart failure and was able to palpate the swelling of their legs and really see pitting occur. I know all this stuff sounds gross or bizarre but it's so interesting to me and I want to help people feel better and have less pain. I was having really bad neck pain today (I'm due for another massage... what can I say...) and thought to myself... I can't imagine how much pain people are in when they are sick. When a person is to the point that they need opioids to relieve them from the pain, it's just so sad to me. I've noticed that my reaction to a lot of the patients that have really terrible illnesses is mostly just feeling bad for them. I really sympathize with the ill. When a person is so sick that they have to be admitted to the hospital, it's not a time of judgment- it's a time of holistic healing and care.
On another note...
I really love Villanova. It's refreshing to have a school really care about and appreciate their students. Especially the BSN Express students. There are so many opportunities to meet with different instructors, resource staff, etc. if you need extra help or have any issues of concern. Besides the whole Catholic crosses on the walls, I actually don't feel like there's too much of a religious presence on campus. Villanova really strives for "diversity," and also has a strong Augustinian value to educate students effectively and charitably.
I had a few guests in town these past few weeks. My friend Emiliya came from Florida, and my sister and her boyfriend Andrew came for a couple days as well. It was so fun and refreshing to have people that I love come and visit. Over my break from school my Grandma and Mom came as well for about a week. We were able to explore Philadelphia- and I could tell they really liked it and will be coming back again soon.
Time for bed! I've got to wake up at 5:30am for clinical! Goodnight!!!!!!!!

Growing Pains

I'm on break from school. OH MAN, was this break needed. Nursing school is the most intense program I've ever been in- and it's only going to get harder. My first clinical rotation will be on an oncology/telemetry floor. I'm really excited to utilize the skills we've learned, but also nervous to be around patients with cancer because it hits so close to home.
It's been really hard being in a new town, alone. I've been having these realizations left and right. As much as I am a "strong" and "independent" woman, these rapid changes I've been going through is constantly sparking this awful anxiety in me. But at the same time, I can just bounce back and be normal (thankfully!). As my sister wrote in my birthday card, "This is my year of growth." She hit the nail on the head. I knew it the second I decided to go to Villanova for nursing school.
Also, I'm dating someone. They are really cute. They have brown hair, brown eyes, and dresses very dapper.
Wanna know who it is?
ME.
I'm dating myself. My friend suggested to do this. I am all about hanging out with myself. Doing things with me. Of course I like the company of others, but this year is about spending time with ME.

I play my enemies like a game of chess

To all you pathetic people that are temperamental toward me:
FUCK YOU. I know that it makes you uncomfortable to have an intense, honest, and self-assured person like myself around. How about you just take a step back and realize that my intentions are only to benefit the parties involved. But, instead you don't want to just agree that I am RIGHT. So, go ahead, cut me out.
You're easily replaceable.
I'M NOT.

NURSING SKEWL.

I decided I would start my day (Sunday) off right by waking up early. Got up at 8:45, ate breakfast and had coffee, and got to work. I finished what I was unable to complete yesterday due to a very important party/hang out session I needed to attend. Said party was at my friend's house (or house he is living at). He lives with this couple that own an old bed and breakfast and rent out the rooms to people. It's a 3-floor Victorian house. I went there last weekend for a mini party, and really enjoyed myself. Yesterday was my friend's 30th birthday and he insisted I come over for dinner. It was great. And, turns out the lady of the house works for a Jewish hospital in Philly, and her boss is orthodox Jewish. It was somewhat refreshing to hear about who are the other Jewish people out here. I mean, this is just one person- but she sounded fantastic, successful, and really motivated. I also was told repeatedly by the man of the house (who is a former marine) that I am family, am welcome anytime, as he kissed me on the hand. Oh- and he nick-named me "bright eyes" and "genius." Told you it was a very important party to attend!
I feel what what I have been waiting for out here is finally slowly coming around. I lived in PA for a month before starting school, and just wanted some friends out here to explore the area. I have had this curiosity about people and location, and how the two of those things combined are very unique based on where you are. It's true- people in the midwest are people from the midwest. People from the east coast are totally a result of their environment and are people from the east coast. Different things are of value to them, and personally, I really like hearing about it. I think location changes people, and in a good way. It makes you feel proud of where you are from, and also makes you excited about where you currently are living.
Nursing school. So far so good. I'm really pleased with the enthusiasm the faculty shows about our class. They also are passionate about the nursing field and really want us to succeed. I also feel like my nurse assistant class and all my health studies classes are helping me right now. Just having the background, and a little experience under my belt is making me feel so much more confident and comfortable with being in this program. I know that it is going to get pretty difficult when clinical begins, but there are a lot of resources for students if they are struggling, so I should be fine!!
The one thing I noticed about my nursing class is that there are a few people that I don't trust. First off, it doesn't even really matter to me. Really. But, since this is MY blog I'm gonna talk about it because I do observe people, judge them, and make my conclusion about them!
There's a few people that really truly believe that this job is something glamorous. That we aren't going to be wiping asses, seeing and smelling all sorts of bodily excretions, or dealing with crazy/upset/frustrated people. I'm almost worried for these people because they are going to have such an eye opening and shocking experience in the hospitals, and I don't want to be there to witness their reaction! I've put nursing on such a high pedestal because I've wanted to do this for over five years now. And, when I see people that don't really know much about it in the same fucking program as me, I get frustrated. They really don't know what they are getting themselves into, do they? Well, good luck, assholes.
Secondly, people skills. There are a few people that are selfish and/or really awkward.
When I started working back when I was in my teens, my Mom said this really good phrase that sticks with me to this day. "People are at their worst when they are hungry, and when they are sick." I have worked as a hostess and waitress since I was 16, and now am working toward being a registered nurse. I thrive to make people feel better. If it's not me that is going to be empathetic, then I don't know who else. I've already got my eye on a few people in class that are so phony, they have it written across their forehead. I don't trust them. I don't understand why of all fields, they are going into nursing. And, it makes me realize why there are so many shitty nurses. If you can get through the school, then you can be a nurse. They can teach you over and over again how to have good communication skills, but if you aren't willing to listen, then your patients are out of luck. I just feel sorry for these people's future patients.
This is about as much time I can give to you, my dear blog. I need to get back to studying so I can run some errands. I will be heading to New York this weekend to attend a real, live, orthodox Jewish wedding with Amy. I got a pretty sweet dress and am searching for one for Amy because my consignment shops out here are AWESOME.
Peace! Wish me luck on my head-to-toe physical assessment final this Friday.

Melancholy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrwiD1mTUAc

"You want the young American" -D.B.

I've been living in Ardmore for almost a month now. First off, I'd like to say, that we have REALLY DAMN GOOD THRIFT STORES. Second, everything is walking distance. And, third, the public transportation is really great. I wanted to move a little early to get situated with the area and have time to explore. I've been to the Villanova campus numerous times, and checked out the other towns on the Main Line. So far I really like (besides Ardmore) Bryn Mawr and Wayne. They have these really cute downtown areas with plenty of stores ranging from boutiques to commercial, and lots of restaurants that I still have yet to check out. The area is pretty suburban as I've stated before, but it's kind of nice not necessarily living in a "college town." I think my next move may be actually TO Philadelphia. Come on nursing school... let's get you over with and find me a good job in Philly...
I spent a few days in Philadelphia. I really like Rittenhouse Square. The park is lovely. While downtown, I also saw the liberty bell (it had to happen... I can't live here and not see the historical sites), and did some thrift store shopping.
Back up a few weeks... my trip to New York was fun. I got to see some friends (saw Whitest Boy Alive!), family, do some good shopping, and spend time with Amy. I can honestly say that my favorite part of New York is Brooklyn. And, speaking of New York, I am here again. I'm spending some quality time with my family before I buckle down and start school. I decided to come here and be there for my grandma (Dad's mom) during some medical procedures she needs done. I've been a little concerned about what is going on and figured I could help my aunt out with some of the responsibilities while I still have the time. I'm staying with my cousins this time, and get to play with their kids all weekend because IT'S FUN.
I recently joined "Yelp" and really like it. It's very stimulating and makes me excited to check out more places. I don't know how much time I will have while in nursing school, but it will motivate me to do stuff when I have the chance rather then hide out at home and be lazy. There's a lot going on out here! Speaking of that- I went to the Barbary with Jon and it was just OK. I think it was a night that lots of younger people come so I'll give it a second chance another day. I DO like Milkboy cafe, which is just a few doors down from my apartment. I spent a whole afternoon there and I got a really good vibe from the place. I'll probably do some studying there once school starts. I've always liked studying in cafes. I know of a few good ones in Philadelphia that I will eventually want to check out. It's worth the drive to get some good studying done! Or train ride! Change of scene, man.
Other than that, I miss my grandma, Babulya, a lot. I can't wait until she comes here.