So many feelings.

These last few days have been filled with extraordinary emotions. Extraordinary in a very unusual way.
I have been having that jarring, stabbing, aching feeling of loneliness. My sleeping patterns have been bizarre: going to bed at 3:00am and sleeping until whenever because whatever. I have been thinking a lot, like every hour about moving and school. Everyone says that I'll be okay, that I should be excited, blah blah blah. I am so fucking nervous that I wake up at night feeling alone (even though my Babulya is in the other room) and start to get that image in my head of being in a very large, dark room, with no one in sight.
I specifically want to live alone because I know that even though I say I like having people around, I really don't like it when it comes to roommates that are random people. I know how neurotic I get when I am overwhelmed with school, so it is not worth the money a month to having the additional stress. Trust me, I can find SOMETHING that irritates me. It's not a good quality, haha. This doctor that I worked for in Okemos always said that when he was in medical school, one of the best decisions he made was living alone. That was my initial push that I really want that. I have never lived alone. I had my own room when my sister moved out, but then there are your parents that are your roommates. I had my own bathroom in a few apartments back at MSU, but then you share the kitchen and living room and then all those responsibilities involved with that. I just don't want to deal with it! There! Humph!
I think that having my family only a hour away, my boyfriend at that time always mine and near, and my friends always ready to hang out made me content.
I know I will make new friends. I am really excited and hopeful. I have a good friend Jon that already lives in Philly and is excited for my move so we can wine, dine, and so on. I'm just ANXIOUS. I don't know how to shake it off, and it's annoying.
Pfff. Sad post today, guys. On a good note, I'm going to look so in shape by the time I leave Florida it's going to be unreal. I don't have anything else to do! Florida is weird!!! I will be visiting some thrift stores these next few days. Oh, and I want to go to the flea market and check out some other malls.
A special shout out to Leontine and Maia for being so lovely. I love you.