повторений мать учение

Well, I've got a little less than two weeks left here in Florida. It's been an interesting few months here. I came with the intention that I am going to have a super relaxing and care-free stay here. I didn't really think that I would have a significantly different reaction physically and emotionally to my hiatus. I mean that it was very hard for the first month to just stop thinking about what I need to do. I wasn't used to not having a schedule, nor was I used to not have demands left and right. Finally, I mentally won this battle. I came here to just not do anything. I guess I felt that I was pressuring myself that I need to keep myself busy. And, that's where the physical comes in. My neck was hurting really bad the last couple months. Like, terrible. Stiffness, pain, little range of motion ability, etc. So, I got my massages from a lovely girl out here who actually lives in the building next to us, and I feel a million times better. I know for a fact that all my tension likes to hang out in my neck and upper back, so I've gotta get my massages and back cracks. It's a fact. And, I'm not going to hide it.
The other important physical change I needed to accomplish was getting into better shape. I told myself that these few months were for ME. And, I've been following through. I've toned up and I run 5K every day (on the treadmill because it's still too cold for my ears... boo), and finally signed up for the Ocean Drive 5K run (http://www.oceandriverun.com/2010/), on March 13. I'm excited! I just love the energy of races, and the feeling of completing the run.
I've made a new friend out here. Her name is Emiliya. She is from Russia, and moved to Florida to be with her boyfriend... and possibly future husband. It's a very unique situation. They've had a long distance relationship for a while and she decided to take the chance of starting a new life here. She is 29, and has been here for three months so far. She had a good job for a broker agency in Russia, and explained that before, her life was all work and the office. Now, she has the ability to have her life be her personal life, because she didn't really have one before. I can honestly say that I really enjoy her company. She is such a sweet and loving girl. She is very curious about my life, and about how Americans are. I try not to generalize, but at the same time, want to get her to love it here if she really ends up staying. The great thing about our relationship is that we get to practice speaking Russian and English. We mostly speak in Russian (which has been great for me because I really think it has improved), and I help her with irregular verbs, grammar, and have taught her many words that she hasn't learned quite yet. Practice makes perfect! Tonight we have another dinner date and then get to enjoy the midnight showing of Alice in Wonderland! I know she will be entertained by how people get dressed up for midnight showings.
Now, moving on to stuff for school... I received an email with a ton of information for my program. I have to get all sorts of background checks done, medical tests, etc. I also found out that my program has a laptop initiative program where they give each student their own laptop to use for school and then get to keep when they are done. It was a surprise- I think I'll give it to my Mom after school is done (not sure what the rules are, but I know that I'd rather use my Mac). I also have a list of contacts for apartments. I am excited and nervous. I am willing to be very flexible such as living farther from campus, not having a dishwasher or washer/dryer, etc. etc. because of my price range and decision that I want to live alone!!!!
So, we'll see how everything turns out.
Thanks for reading, pals.

"The city is a million miles away" -Mirah

I came to the resolution lately that this year is about miles. Distance. I've been running many, many miles. And, traveling many, many miles. I've been moving a lot, and soon will be making my big move to PA. More miles. More distance.
I think that this year was already pre-determined for me, I just haven't realized it until now. Previous years haven't felt this way. Who was it? God? Is there really a God? I don't like how many people say he/she works in mysterious ways. Or, he/she has their own way of doing things. I just think that your reactions, actions, and decisions actually determine how your life will be. At least, in my experiences, that seems to be the case. I don't pray. I've prayed before. I've studied the Tanakh. Everything. I think the best religion at this point in my life is believing in myself.
I have also been thinking lately that how absurd life can be. Just the time of events, the way my mind works, and how people are they way they are. I look back at the things I've gone through, and really think that somehow I was created so differently from others that sometimes I surprise myself. In the past, I've followed what was mainstream, but knew something wasn't right. Because, well, I'm not mainstream. I have always been different. I just don't think I knew how to express it without feeling hesitant.
I've missed my friends a lot. It's so odd. It's not like I would see them very often. I just miss the sociability and camaraderie. I'm hoping I'll be able to make a couple good friends in nursing school. That's all I ask!
The Israel Film Festival is in town. Babulya and I have seen three movies so far. And, they have all been really really good! We saw Seven Minutes in Heaven (about a girl's life after being on a bus that was bombed... with a twist), For My Father (about an Arab who comes Israel to get revenge, but in the meantime is treated with compassion by the Jews he meets), and Kirot (a Ukrainian woman that comes to work in Israel gets caught up with the wrong people). I just feel like these films are covering all the bases. Today we are seeing The Green Dumpsters and the Worst Company in the World (a documentary). And, then Jaffa on Thursday.
More to come soon.

So many feelings.

These last few days have been filled with extraordinary emotions. Extraordinary in a very unusual way.
I have been having that jarring, stabbing, aching feeling of loneliness. My sleeping patterns have been bizarre: going to bed at 3:00am and sleeping until whenever because whatever. I have been thinking a lot, like every hour about moving and school. Everyone says that I'll be okay, that I should be excited, blah blah blah. I am so fucking nervous that I wake up at night feeling alone (even though my Babulya is in the other room) and start to get that image in my head of being in a very large, dark room, with no one in sight.
I specifically want to live alone because I know that even though I say I like having people around, I really don't like it when it comes to roommates that are random people. I know how neurotic I get when I am overwhelmed with school, so it is not worth the money a month to having the additional stress. Trust me, I can find SOMETHING that irritates me. It's not a good quality, haha. This doctor that I worked for in Okemos always said that when he was in medical school, one of the best decisions he made was living alone. That was my initial push that I really want that. I have never lived alone. I had my own room when my sister moved out, but then there are your parents that are your roommates. I had my own bathroom in a few apartments back at MSU, but then you share the kitchen and living room and then all those responsibilities involved with that. I just don't want to deal with it! There! Humph!
I think that having my family only a hour away, my boyfriend at that time always mine and near, and my friends always ready to hang out made me content.
I know I will make new friends. I am really excited and hopeful. I have a good friend Jon that already lives in Philly and is excited for my move so we can wine, dine, and so on. I'm just ANXIOUS. I don't know how to shake it off, and it's annoying.
Pfff. Sad post today, guys. On a good note, I'm going to look so in shape by the time I leave Florida it's going to be unreal. I don't have anything else to do! Florida is weird!!! I will be visiting some thrift stores these next few days. Oh, and I want to go to the flea market and check out some other malls.
A special shout out to Leontine and Maia for being so lovely. I love you.